The following thoughts are what are drowning me in this feeling:
-I'm not sure work makes me happy any more. I thought I would feel more satisfied with myself doing what I do, but lately I'm feeling limited, and lacking any growth. I think I want something where I'm more independent and in charge of my development. I keep picturing myself working only a couple days a week at the hospital, and then starting up some sort of small business on the side (i.e. a gym facility for volleyball, photography, or writing - something where I can make a name for myself).
-I'm doubtful that we will ever afford the house/lifestyle we want in any sort of timely fashion. I want a tiny house, with a large yard and to still stay in the lower mainland. Sadly, this feels impossible with the way the market is.
-I'm angry that we still have debt. It's been months and months and although we've paid off almost $30,000.00, I hate that I have so limited accumulated savings to show for it. I know that once the debt is gone, all those "payments" will be going into savings where they build interest instead of costing us interest, but it's exhausting and so discouraging that that chunk of money is still just lingering.
-I'm slowly losing fitness motivation because although I can definitely see that I'm making progress, I am also surrounded by people more fit than me, and some days it just feel impossible not to compare myself. I hate not being the best.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I just feel like I'm at a point where I'm supposed to be making "the next big step," but I have no steps to take right now. Mark and I don't want kids (it's just not the life we want for ourselves), there's no affordable house purchase any time soon, and other than maybe getting a permanent position instead of a temporary one at work, there is no development for me there either. So, I'm left here stumped as to what my/our next move is. We can't afford a house until the debt is paid off, we can't get another dog until we purchase a house so that we have some stability, I can't change careers because that will just accumulate more debt and prolong everything even further, and so the list goes....
Don't get me wrong though, it's not like I'm unhappy in the life we are currently living. There is absolutely nothing wrong with where we are at in this game of life. We are happy, healthy, stable, and so madly in love that it's impossible not to be content. I think it's just going to be a matter of time, and small little adjustments, before soon enough I'll be looking back and wondering why I was ever so caught up in the specifics of it all in the first place.
-Linds
I get that same feeling that you described. I think it's just better to have in mind 'what would be my next step?' because you will be able to seize it when the opportunity comes instead of just being pretty comfortable on your comfort zone.
ReplyDeleteYou make a great point Ana. I think that's a great way to focus my attention instead of just expecting everything to be happening "now."
Delete-Linds
Don't be discouraged! We all have these times of restlessness and wondering what is next. A friend once told me the secret to happiness: You need someone to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. Your next big project can be saving for a house! It is possible, you two can do it.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to work, just remember that your job is what you do, not what you are - you work so you can afford the things you love doing.
That's a great secret. I think I'm just waaaay to caught up in the "something to look forward to," but I'm working on it. I just don't want to look back in 10 years and realize that I wasted so much time not enjoying the little luxuries in life because I was too busy pinching pennies in order to save for a house.
Delete-Linds
I've definitely felt the same way, and can relate to this on certain levels. That is so impressive you guys have been able to pay down your debt, you deserve to feel very proud about that. That in itself is a huge step. I'm basically stuck in a holding pattern of trying to figure out what is next and what I'm going to do for a career. I just feel stuck, but I feel terrible complaining about it because I'm very lucky to be able to take the time to figure it out. Sometimes it helps to have little mini goals so you feel like you are working towards something instead of feeling stuck.
ReplyDeleteYes, I feel the exact same, I shouldn't be comlplaining because I am so lucky, but yet it's hard not to feel discouraged. The mini goals is a great idea, and I am already kind of working on it (I made a 30 before 30 list) which definitely gives me motivation.
Delete-Linds