Make Up Routine

When it comes to my everyday make-up routine I keep it pretty simple. I'd like to believe it's because I think that's all I really need, but mostly it's because I don't know how to do anything more and am too lazy or timid to try.

So here are the steps for my daily makeup routine:

1. Rinse face with luke-warm water & pat dry with towel
2. Merle Norman eyebrow powder to fill in my brows
3. MAC "Prism" blush/bronzer across my cheekbones, sides of forehead, & nose
4. Chap-stick + tinted gloss (usually bertz-bees & whatever is on sale)
5. Mascara (whatever is on sale at the grocery store when I run out)
6. Sometimes I use my Loreal cover up stick for blemishes & under my eyes, but only when I really feel I need it

Yep, that's it. 
No, I didn't skip a step.
No, I didn't leave anything out. 

I am a true believer in "less is more," and I really hate the way "a lot" of make up feels on my face, so I don't feel compelled to change up the extent of my regular routine. That being said, I do wish that I had a little something extra to make myself stand out, without really masking myself. 

-Linds

Questions For The Future

Some questions are deep and meaningful, while others are simply curious. 

Here are 10 questions for future Lindsay:

1. How old do I look?
2. Am I still playing volleyball?
3. What car do I drive?
4. Where have I traveled?
5. Am I happy?
6. Did I break any more bones?
7. Who contributed the most to my changes?
8. What length is my hair?
9. Did I ever figure out the handstand?
10. Is life any easier?


Life takes us in all different directions, some predictable, others not. Some paths seem more clear than others, but that doesn't mean its wrong to follow murky waters. Where has the water taken you?


-Linds

When you

When you:

challenge me

I rise to the occasion.

hurt me

I shut down.

forgive me

I breathe a sigh of relief.

ignore me

I doubt you.

love me

I feel it.

support me

I embrace it.

cry

I lose control.

hurt

I hurt.

-Linds

Finding Distance

Some of us are on a chain where our insecurities only let us go as far as we already know is safe. Periodically we may gain a link or two, allowing us to reach a little bit further, to experience new things than before but, this doesn't mean we will ever have the strength to ultimately break free. Outsiders will wonder why doing what was once easy, now seems impossible. It might not feel reasonable to them, or yourself, but that doesn't make it any less real. 

-Linds

Messy

Some days I hold my thoughts near and dear to my heart yet, other days I can't help but let them pour out of me. 

Lately, my thoughts are messy.

I feel messy. 

-Linds 

Outside My Window

The trees sway in a rhythmic choas. The sun glistens high in the evening spring sky. The light bounces sharp off of the newly acquired, but still not hooked up, gas barbeque. The pollen looks heavy, yet floats swiftly through the breeze. I notice a faint film built up on the sliding screen door. Normally I'd be inclined to go clean it, but today, not even the slightest urge comes over me. I rest quietly on the couch, legs intertwined with my husband. He's focused on the tv, and I find my gaze shifting to his face. He barely flinches, and yet he has so many subtle reactions to every passing moment. Eventually he turns and catches me starring. I don't look away. His lips curve, and his dimple shows deeper than ever. He kisses me through the air and turns back to the tv. This man, he is the best thing about me. 

Not Uncommon

Trust is not uncommonly lost. 

It's when you stop looking for it that you need to start worrying. 

-Linds 

What do you do when you doubt what you love?

It's not an uncommon thing for me to feel self-doubt. To be honest, it's something I've struggled with since I can remember - always wondering  worrying, what others think, and therefore second guessing what I think. I strive for approval from others and immediately judge myself if I under achieve. 

After weeks of being "pushed out" of serve receive line-ups, not regularly setting for teams, being asked not to block, and getting packed in the face, it's not surprise that lately I've had a huge bout of self-doubt in relation to my volleyball life. 

I have been playing volleyball since 2001 - that's 17 years people. It's not new to me, yet compared to the last 17 years I have never felt more useless playing the sport I so desperately love, than in the last month.

If you're new to my blog, I'll give you a brief history of my volleyball life:

I was tall so most of my early years of volleyball were spent playing as a middle. In my grade 12 year of high school we got a new coach and he asked me to set because I was eager enough that I could always get to the ball (Let me be clear: IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM DID I HAVE SETTER HANDS...or even instincts).  Once I started playing drop-in and therefore co-ed volleyball, it quickly became clear that at not even 5'9" tall, I was not the most effective middle anymore. Now this didn't completely stop me from playing middle. In fact, for a couple seasons I did what I could to keep up with the high paced co-ed caliber play that I was engulfed in, but somewhere along the way, I started playing right side instead (a common place for an average girl playing co-ed 6s). Eventually, we started running a 6-2 system on a more regular basis and then, we realized there were a lot more girls out there that were even more effective than me on offense, so it was only a matter of convenience that I started setting on a pretty regular basis and letting everyone else swing. 

I was coached in elementary school, high school, and club ball with a basic foundation in all volleyball skills but I was never coached specifically as a setter so I definitely feel like I'm lacking a lot of specific key factors that "true setters" have, and lately people seem to notice. That being said, I've spent probably a good 5 years or so setting on a regular basis that I've let a lot of my defense and offensive skills fall by the way side. 

Needless to say, I'm feeling a little lost these days. I don't have a solid enough foundation to be a "natural" sought after setter, but I've also spent so much time not having to serve-receive and not putting balls down that, no one sees me as the strong well-rounded player I once was.  So, where do I go from here? Of course, I won't give up my love for the sport but I'm tired of coming home from volleyball every night feeling tense, frustrated, and useless. 

After some restless sleeps and a lot of self-reflection, I've realized it's time for me to refocus my attention. Instead of dwelling on what I lack, I've decided to put my energy into what I can control: improving.  I've never been one to be the best, but I love the satisfaction of progress. So here's to making strides in the right direction. Here's to not letting my 17 years of experience make me become a stagnant player. Here's to starting fresh.

(Basic drill: ball control)

You can't expect to improve unless you're willing to do the work. 

-Linds

30 before 30: Get a couples massage

Since I haven't yet turned 30, I decided it's still okay for me to continue with my 30 before 30 endeavor where I left off. And, it turns out, before I ditched the whole blogging thing for the last almost year, I actually did check off one of my items. 

In 2016 while Mark and I were in Mexico for the 2nd time ever, we decided to spoil ourselves with a couples massage from the spa at the resort we stayed at.

IT WAS GLORIOUS! 

I still cannot believe we waited as long as we did to have a couples massage, let alone our first massage ever. It was so calming, relaxing, and therapeutic. 

I thought the nudity, and being touched by a stranger was totally going to erk me, but to be honest I didn't even think about those things. The most displeasing thing about the whole experience was that I was a wee chilly in the room from time to time, but I think that's is just a "me" thing -  I'm always cold. 

Anyway, happy to say I checked off another item from my 30 before 30 list, and can't wait for my next massage. 
-Linds

Flawless

In a batch full of cupcakes everyone seems to notice the one that kind of, sort of,  just so happened to fall apart. 

Maybe you will be noticed for being flawed but, do not feel shame. Regardless of whether you are in the perfect form, or crumbling apart, we can all offer a delightful taste.

Stop looking at your flaws as your downfalls. Let them be your guide and strength. Let them direct you in your journey of self reflection and growth.

-Linds

I believe...

I believe in love, in all forms. 

Unconditional love, unrequited love, forever love, too much love, not enough love, temporary love, confused love, and all the other millions of types of love. 


In my eyes all love is true love...even if you haven't figured it out yet. 
-Linds

Hello Again!

After almost a full year away from the blogging world I've realized I missed the writing. 

So, I would like to officially say hello again! 

Although I don't have a particular direction that I plan to take this blog (did I ever really before?), I am eager to continue posting more regularly, even if only at the very least for my own therapy. 

-Linds

Negativity

I can be a very negative person...and that's okay. 

But, I think it is finally time that I face this reality. 

It used to only be Mark that would point out the fact that I can have a very negative mind-set (usually in the middle of some sort of petty disagreement). However, lately I have had a few people "jokingly" comment on how pessimistic or defeated my attitude is. A couple times it has simply been in relation to my lack of feeling fufilled at work, or after a lousy night at volleyball, but other times it seems to just be a "vibe" I give off to people.

Everytime someone makes a comment, I can't help but feel a bit of a reality check. I used to think I was so good at keeping my internal struggles closed off from others so that I didn't seem weak or vulnerable, but it seems there are cracks in my armour.  So I am summoning up the courage to say some things aloud - who says I must hide anyway?  

I do not always feel happy, but I'm definitely not always sad.

I don't know if I'm on the right career path, but I like my job...but it just feels like a job.

Sometimes I feel worthless, yet no one has ever said those words to me.

I judge my body...and my mind.

Sometimes my highs are way to high - I hate arrogance.

I  don't make friends easily but, I wish I meant more to people.

I believe jealousy is a positive quality.

These are all tough things for me to say "out loud." I know that what I feel is okay to feel, because it's part of what makes me who I am. I am however, struggling to maintain trust and confidence in myself and others, and therefore I think it probably couldn't hurt to look for guidance/support.

-Linds

Is It Over Yet?

I am so completely over all this holiday/new year hoopla. I have been mildly sick since December 5, 2016, severely sick since December 24, 2016, and only just now on the mend...it's now January 3, 2017. I did not enjoy Christmas (although I don't usually), work is becoming busier and busier every night which is exhausting, and I did not make any New Year resolutions, and no, I don't feel like talking about it!

That is all....oh, and here are some puppy photos from the last couple weeks because, well, why not.

-Linds 

Human

I found this song from watching a volleyball clip on instagram and I absolutely just love it so I have to share! Please please take a listen! 

http://www.letssingit.com/rag-n-bone-man-lyrics-human-84t4w59


It just makes me feel all the feels...

We're only human after all.
-Linds

Ordinary

"There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things."
-Pam Halpert (The Office) 

(Captain & I out for a walk)

Never underestimate the ordinary...

-Linds

Thought Provoking

It's been over a month since my last post and I wish I could say I have some valuable excuse as to why, but honestly, it's mostly just due to business or, even more honestly, laziness/distraction. 

I've recently discovered Instagram (veebswatts07) and I cannot seem to help myself once I get going on it. I could scroll forever!

I do notice it has me feeling a little jealous (as social media tends to do) that I'm not one of those people who lives for their work. I see tons of those beachbody coach people on instagram, and although I have no interest in that program, I find myself feeling jealous that they are making money doing simple things that they love to do (ie working out), and would be doing anyway even if they weren't getting paid. 

I've talked about this a few times before on the blog, about my feelings of not knowing what to do with my life, and it seems I have not yet overcome these feeling. Is what I am doing enough? 

Current lifestyle:

-Work to pay the bills

-Work a job that gives me time to do leisure activities (i.e. a job that I don't have to bring home with me at the end of the day)

-Participate in leisure activities (reading, volleyball, working out, writing)

-Overspend once in a while to do something bold (we may have just recently booked a vacation in mexico)

-Feel guilty for overspending, so pick up more hours at work to pay the bills

What I crave:

-Sharing my passions with more people (I wish I could teach people how to play volleyball, and I wish I had fitness companions to help share my progress)

-Work so that I feel like I accomplished something

-Make others jealous with how much fun I have working (i.e. loooooove what I do)

I'm not trying to say my current lifestyle is a bad one. I've very lucky to have the job that I do, that pays very well, and that gives me time and freedom to still have a life outside of work. I just worry that maybe I'm not fulfilling my full potential. No one knows what their potential is until they keep pushing the boundaries, but fear is a big scary beast, and I just don't feel brave enough yet. And let's be honest, even if I did feel brave enough, I wouldn't know where to start, or which direction to turn. 

-Linds

Averagely Average

Sometimes it takes all my energy just to be average...

Some days being average isn't enough...

Other days being average is all I could ever need...

It's okay to be average. 

You just have to own your own average.

-Linds 

Considerations

About a month ago I was contemplating writing my AART exam so that I could be an X-ray Tech in the states. Sadly, I let busy summer get the best of me, and let's be honest, laziness, and I ended up missing the cut-off deadline to take the exam without having to re-do any course work. I regret waiting so long to consider writing the exam, but at the same time, I mean, realistically am I ever going to actually move to the states? Probably not. So let's just forget that idea. 

Since then, I had a super busy month with work, or that's how it felt since I've been switching back and forth between days, evenings, and nights, all over the place. And then, this month has become even busier because we are now in the process of moving into a new home. I have already taken two full truck loads to the new place. I am excited to move, and set up somewhere fresh (plus waaaaay cheaper rent is a big motivator), but the moving process is getting old. Mark and I have done it together exactly 5 times (this one will make it 6x), and as much as it get's "easier" ie. we tend to live relatively minimal so we pack/unpack pretty easily, regardless though, it's always exhausting, stressful, and most annoying of all - time consuming. 

Then, to add to the mix, recently a training/education opportunity has been offered through my work, and I applied. It's a different imaging modality, so it's basically learning a completely new career, which sounds more than exhausting enough to deter me, however, the funding provided is huuuuuuge, and let's be honest, I am always intrigued by a challenge. I haven't decided what my expectations are for this opportunity yet. So far, I'm in the mindset that it is not likely I will be chosen (there's only a total of 8 spots for all of VCH), so why not apply and just see what happens, but at the same time, I find myself getting a bit giddy at the idea of doing something unexpected.  Either way, I have promised myself I will be satisfied with the outcome. 

What's meant to be, will be.....

What kind of things have you considered this summer?

-Linds

Sunday Fashion Fun-Day: Baby Shower Heat

Last weekend my second oldest sister, Leigh, threw a surprise baby shower for my oldest sister, Christina (she's due in October!)! 

It was hosted at my Auntie Nandi's house, and although it was sweltering hot, especially with 30+ people all gathered together (Christina has an amazing group of love and support!), I was quite pleased with my outfit choice for the occasion. 

I wore my black shorts and a "wide arm" block colored T-shirt (both from Winners, of course!). Although everyone else was a bit more dressed up than I was (most people wore sun dresses), I felt like I still had a good enough combo of casual, cute, and most importantly COMFORTABLE!  The wide arms of my tshirt was perfection to avoid showing too much sweat, and anytime I was in the sunshine or by a fan, it let the breeze through. 

It was also a must that I wear my hair up (eventhough I really wanted to curl it down) in order to help manage the heat overload. Again,  it may have looked a bit more on the casual side, but comfort was a way bigger priority! 

How do you handle the heat when dressing up? 
-Linds